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Fibbidiboo said:
They also pointed out that I probably wouldn't be eligible for PR anyway since anyone staying less than 753 days in Canada the previous 5 years is a non-qualifier.

That is a misunderstanding on your part. That has nothing to do with qualifying for PR. You can be sponsored for PR without ever having been to Canada.

There is such a rule but it has to do with keeping your PR. To keep your PR, you must stay in Canada 730 days in your first 5 years as a PR and any rolling 5 year period after that. If you are staying in Canada 6 months a year, you would have your 730 days done in 4 years. Aside from the fact that if you are a spouse of a Canadian citizen living with said spouse in another country, it will protect your PR in regards to the residency requirements.

Fibbidiboo said:
So I don't qualify for PR and may not be able to get in.. with my wife.....to my home, on the whims of some gun toting individual in a phone booth. Incredible!

Yes but don't forget that you made your home in a country where you are a guest. Without a Canadian passport or a PR, you do not have the right to live in Canada. You may visit but it is up to the IO each time if they let you in or not, same as any other visitor.
 
As others have pointed out, if you became a permanent resident, and spent a bit more than 5 months each year in Canada, you'd accumulate the 730 days every 5 years required to keep your permanent residency.

If you're concerned about raising too much dust as you enter Canada by talking to a supervisor, do it on the way back to the USA. Again,having an opinion ad a name might come in very handy if you meet the PN next time. (Note to file: we need a new acronym for border guard, sometimes called an IO. I don't know what IO means, but PN is quite descriptive: pocket Nazi.)

I guess there's no good obtained by inveighing against the arbitrary powers of border guards. We're all preaching to the converted here. And the border guards aren't listening.