canuck_in_uk said:
I have read her previous posts. It is standard practice for me to read someone's posts before answering their thread so that I can know as much about their situation as possible to provide the best advice.
I would suggest that you do some research on arranged marriages. This situation may scream MOC to you but to me, all it screams is a poorly done arranged marriage where the woman got the raw end.
Your statement that she "agreed to the arranged marriage" speaks volumes. Many woman really don't have a choice.
You advise me to read her previous posts but it seems you didn't, as OP clearly stated previously that he was abusive.
You should also read your own previous posts, as you most definitely judged her, especially with your comment that you would never act as she has if YOUR marriage hit that kind of roadblock and that YOUR reasons for immigrating are genuine whereas hers are not. Truth is, you have NO IDEA how you would act in that situation because yours was not an arranged marriage and you do not come from that culture. Telling her to try harder before she "just throws the marriage away", to "stand by him" etc., all of that is judgment.
Thank you for saying this -- many Asian cultures put extreme burdens on women, who if they want to live with any sort of dignity, must get married; and once married, it puts the responsibility on them to maintain it. Now, CIC has this absurd rule where a woman has to stay with her husband for two years after marrying -- from CIC's perspective, if she doesn't, she just goes back to her own country; but from her perspective, if the marriage fails, she is ruined. If she gets to stay in Canada, well and good -- she can build an independent life for herself here as a modern woman. But returning home is a catastrophe.
I've known several people from SE Asia, all women, who were very happy to leave permanently and live abroad, with very minimal contact with their home or their cultural community. Frm the outside, these cultures look quaint and picturesque, but from the inside, they can be stifling. This is one reason that I really despise CIC's emphasis on the 'traditional' wedding.
And then you get people like Alurra here, who blame the OP for trying to escape and live with the dignity that people here take for granted.
