Can someone proof read my SOP for college application in computer science please? :D

[thinking_programmer]

I think I overdid my SOP a little by going too deep in my projects and learning instead of giving a higher level overview but I really want to get accepted. So here it is

I’ve been passionate about technology ever since my high school teacher introduced me to animation and coding in flash. I was not able to code for a long time after high school, but since 2018 I’ve realized my passion for it again and started learning to program full time after completing my graduation. I’m fascinated by the fact that how much control I have over everything in coding and I can write my own code with much greater flexibility or use a library and develop applications at a much faster speed. Now to enrich me with international exposure and for the advancement of my passion and career, I would really like to pursue this degree.

After completing my school education at the <school name>with an aggregate of 93.5%, I opted for B.A. (Hons.) in Economics from <university> I studied a lot of statistics, I started learning Machine Learning, Python, and Matplotlib. I made some recommendation systems and made a script with python that helps shopkeepers figure out what the best place to open a store would be. During my learning time, I did a lot of certifications as well. Introduction to Programming and computer science by MITx helped me realize how to think in terms of data structure and Andrew NG’s introduction to Machine Learning and Neural Networks was a great introduction to how neural networks worked in determining image prediction. I also learned Web Dev full time and made a lot of short projects that covered writing APIs, authentication, front end state management, and designing in react. A few of the courses that I did were Full-Stack 2020, Introduction to React Hooks from Frontend Masters, Freecodecamp. I also made some projects along the way.

I have made many projects as I was learning new technologies and deployed some of them on cloud services. I made a pet adoption website(when I was learning React) which shows different pets and allows filter by breeds(Beagle, Terrier, Rottweiler) and animal type(Cat, Dog, Horse) and allows users to search these pets. The link to the project is in [REF1] and the source code in [REF2]. I also developed a to-do list in Django with SQLite database that allows users to authenticate, create, edit and restore old notes and checklists. Link to the project is in [REF3]. When I was learning Data Science, I made a project that analyzes different neighborhoods in a city and finds out “in which neighborhoods it would be popular to open a certain kind of shop” based on the number of similar shops in that neighborhood and also the average price per square feet in the neighborhood(Link to my article : [REF4])


I have around a year of experience in the tech field. My current position is Fullstack Developer at a US-based AI company where I have completed 6 months of experience(as of August 2021). My current work involves writing backend APIs for the application, making database schemas, and doing some front-end work as well.

The PG Diploma in Web and mobile app design and development at Langara College aligns with my career goals perfectly. The course outline for this program is what I’m looking to study and I think enrolling in this program will keep me motivated to study the topics that are needed for my career boost. I’m also planning to learn app development which this program offers as well so I think this program would be perfect for me in order to improve my tech stack and expertise in the field. I’m also looking for broad exposure in several different topics like Databases, servers, native mobile applications, and this course has everything that I need.

Furthermore, Langara College is one of the best colleges in the country located in the beautiful city of Vancouver and is world-renowned for its experienced faculty and excellent facilities. The modernized academic program and the teaching techniques make sure that the student will learn to the best of their abilities in their chosen field.

I chose to continue my postgraduate studies in Canada because the country is known for its high standard of quality of life and education. The degrees acquired in the country are globally recognized and are taught under the guidance of the top educators working in the most prestigious universities. The tuition fees and cost of living are low as compared to other countries and that too without any compromise on the quality of education. The thriving job opportunities and welcoming environment of the society make the country one of the preferred student destinations for many global students.

I am thankful for the university for giving me this opportunity and will ensure that if I am accorded the opportunity to pursue my education at your prestigious university, I will work hard to satisfy your expectations.

[REF1] : LINK1
[REF2] : MY GITHUB
[REF3] : LINK 2
[REF4]: LINK 3

 

[tiandstories]

You never mention about how exactly this will boost your career (ie, after getting this, what are the career choices in home country, etc). Also, based on what I read, VO will think that since you are so good at this already, why would you want to take up this PGD? Your experience, project and skills already make up for the knowledge you would be studying, no?

Also, a college is not exactly a university so fix that in ur last para.

Hope my comment helps

 

[yesWeCanada]

I think I overdid my SOP a little by going too deep in my projects and learning instead of giving a higher level overview but I really want to get accepted. So here it is

I’ve been passionate about technology ever since my high school teacher introduced me to animation and coding in flash. I was not able to code for a long time after high school, but since 2018 I’ve realized my passion for it again and started learning to program full time after completing my graduation. I’m fascinated by the fact that how much control I have over everything in coding and I can write my own code with much greater flexibility or use a library and develop applications at a much faster speed. Now to enrich me with international exposure and for the advancement of my passion and career, I would really like to pursue this degree.

After completing my school education at the <school name>with an aggregate of 93.5%, I opted for B.A. (Hons.) in Economics from <university> I studied a lot of statistics, I started learning Machine Learning, Python, and Matplotlib. I made some recommendation systems and made a script with python that helps shopkeepers figure out what the best place to open a store would be. During my learning time, I did a lot of certifications as well. Introduction to Programming and computer science by MITx helped me realize how to think in terms of data structure and Andrew NG’s introduction to Machine Learning and Neural Networks was a great introduction to how neural networks worked in determining image prediction. I also learned Web Dev full time and made a lot of short projects that covered writing APIs, authentication, front end state management, and designing in react. A few of the courses that I did were Full-Stack 2020, Introduction to React Hooks from Frontend Masters, Freecodecamp. I also made some projects along the way.

I have made many projects as I was learning new technologies and deployed some of them on cloud services. I made a pet adoption website(when I was learning React) which shows different pets and allows filter by breeds(Beagle, Terrier, Rottweiler) and animal type(Cat, Dog, Horse) and allows users to search these pets. The link to the project is in [REF1] and the source code in [REF2]. I also developed a to-do list in Django with SQLite database that allows users to authenticate, create, edit and restore old notes and checklists. Link to the project is in [REF3]. When I was learning Data Science, I made a project that analyzes different neighborhoods in a city and finds out “in which neighborhoods it would be popular to open a certain kind of shop” based on the number of similar shops in that neighborhood and also the average price per square feet in the neighborhood(Link to my article : [REF4])


I have around a year of experience in the tech field. My current position is Fullstack Developer at a US-based AI company where I have completed 6 months of experience(as of August 2021). My current work involves writing backend APIs for the application, making database schemas, and doing some front-end work as well.

The PG Diploma in Web and mobile app design and development at Langara College aligns with my career goals perfectly. The course outline for this program is what I’m looking to study and I think enrolling in this program will keep me motivated to study the topics that are needed for my career boost. I’m also planning to learn app development which this program offers as well so I think this program would be perfect for me in order to improve my tech stack and expertise in the field. I’m also looking for broad exposure in several different topics like Databases, servers, native mobile applications, and this course has everything that I need.

Furthermore, Langara College is one of the best colleges in the country located in the beautiful city of Vancouver and is world-renowned for its experienced faculty and excellent facilities. The modernized academic program and the teaching techniques make sure that the student will learn to the best of their abilities in their chosen field.

I chose to continue my postgraduate studies in Canada because the country is known for its high standard of quality of life and education. The degrees acquired in the country are globally recognized and are taught under the guidance of the top educators working in the most prestigious universities. The tuition fees and cost of living are low as compared to other countries and that too without any compromise on the quality of education. The thriving job opportunities and welcoming environment of the society make the country one of the preferred student destinations for many global students.

I am thankful for the university for giving me this opportunity and will ensure that if I am accorded the opportunity to pursue my education at your prestigious university, I will work hard to satisfy your expectations.

[REF1] : LINK1
[REF2] : MY GITHUB
[REF3] : LINK 2
[REF4]: LINK 3

I would definitely remove the technical jargon and dont go deep into the work exp. You need to write it in a way that you are lacking something and this course will help you. You need to write why your country will not provide you this opportunity(you have mentioned, but mention specifically with example). Also, you need to mention about family ties and also mention what you intend to do after this course. That means you will return to home country where there are more opportunities. Also mention how you are financing the education and any shortcomings that needs addressing. In short try to kill the SOP with the perspective of VO and address that issue in SOP. Keep short and precise, dont write too lengthy ones. They need to go through a lot of these everyday.

 

[singh@1234]

I think I overdid my SOP a little by going too deep in my projects and learning instead of giving a higher level overview but I really want to get accepted. So here it is

I’ve been passionate about technology ever since my high school teacher introduced me to animation and coding in flash. I was not able to code for a long time after high school, but since 2018 I’ve realized my passion for it again and started learning to program full time after completing my graduation. I’m fascinated by the fact that how much control I have over everything in coding and I can write my own code with much greater flexibility or use a library and develop applications at a much faster speed. Now to enrich me with international exposure and for the advancement of my passion and career, I would really like to pursue this degree.

After completing my school education at the <school name>with an aggregate of 93.5%, I opted for B.A. (Hons.) in Economics from <university> I studied a lot of statistics, I started learning Machine Learning, Python, and Matplotlib. I made some recommendation systems and made a script with python that helps shopkeepers figure out what the best place to open a store would be. During my learning time, I did a lot of certifications as well. Introduction to Programming and computer science by MITx helped me realize how to think in terms of data structure and Andrew NG’s introduction to Machine Learning and Neural Networks was a great introduction to how neural networks worked in determining image prediction. I also learned Web Dev full time and made a lot of short projects that covered writing APIs, authentication, front end state management, and designing in react. A few of the courses that I did were Full-Stack 2020, Introduction to React Hooks from Frontend Masters, Freecodecamp. I also made some projects along the way.

I have made many projects as I was learning new technologies and deployed some of them on cloud services. I made a pet adoption website(when I was learning React) which shows different pets and allows filter by breeds(Beagle, Terrier, Rottweiler) and animal type(Cat, Dog, Horse) and allows users to search these pets. The link to the project is in [REF1] and the source code in [REF2]. I also developed a to-do list in Django with SQLite database that allows users to authenticate, create, edit and restore old notes and checklists. Link to the project is in [REF3]. When I was learning Data Science, I made a project that analyzes different neighborhoods in a city and finds out “in which neighborhoods it would be popular to open a certain kind of shop” based on the number of similar shops in that neighborhood and also the average price per square feet in the neighborhood(Link to my article : [REF4])


I have around a year of experience in the tech field. My current position is Fullstack Developer at a US-based AI company where I have completed 6 months of experience(as of August 2021). My current work involves writing backend APIs for the application, making database schemas, and doing some front-end work as well.

The PG Diploma in Web and mobile app design and development at Langara College aligns with my career goals perfectly. The course outline for this program is what I’m looking to study and I think enrolling in this program will keep me motivated to study the topics that are needed for my career boost. I’m also planning to learn app development which this program offers as well so I think this program would be perfect for me in order to improve my tech stack and expertise in the field. I’m also looking for broad exposure in several different topics like Databases, servers, native mobile applications, and this course has everything that I need.

Furthermore, Langara College is one of the best colleges in the country located in the beautiful city of Vancouver and is world-renowned for its experienced faculty and excellent facilities. The modernized academic program and the teaching techniques make sure that the student will learn to the best of their abilities in their chosen field.

I chose to continue my postgraduate studies in Canada because the country is known for its high standard of quality of life and education. The degrees acquired in the country are globally recognized and are taught under the guidance of the top educators working in the most prestigious universities. The tuition fees and cost of living are low as compared to other countries and that too without any compromise on the quality of education. The thriving job opportunities and welcoming environment of the society make the country one of the preferred student destinations for many global students.

I am thankful for the university for giving me this opportunity and will ensure that if I am accorded the opportunity to pursue my education at your prestigious university, I will work hard to satisfy your expectations.

[REF1] : LINK1
[REF2] : MY GITHUB
[REF3] : LINK 2
[REF4]: LINK 3

man, the problem is not with the SOP but the way your have written it. I am a software engineer my self and I can easily understand the jargon the APIs. the django framework etc. Do you think VO will have such knowledge? Why are you trying to confuse someone by writing so much shit? Please talk in gin language understandable even to your grandpa. Keep it concise, free from all superfluous details. and be open about why this college only

 

[singh@1234]

I think I overdid my SOP a little by going too deep in my projects and learning instead of giving a higher level overview but I really want to get accepted. So here it is

I’ve been passionate about technology ever since my high school teacher introduced me to animation and coding in flash. I was not able to code for a long time after high school, but since 2018 I’ve realized my passion for it again and started learning to program full time after completing my graduation. I’m fascinated by the fact that how much control I have over everything in coding and I can write my own code with much greater flexibility or use a library and develop applications at a much faster speed. Now to enrich me with international exposure and for the advancement of my passion and career, I would really like to pursue this degree.

After completing my school education at the <school name>with an aggregate of 93.5%, I opted for B.A. (Hons.) in Economics from <university> I studied a lot of statistics, I started learning Machine Learning, Python, and Matplotlib. I made some recommendation systems and made a script with python that helps shopkeepers figure out what the best place to open a store would be. During my learning time, I did a lot of certifications as well. Introduction to Programming and computer science by MITx helped me realize how to think in terms of data structure and Andrew NG’s introduction to Machine Learning and Neural Networks was a great introduction to how neural networks worked in determining image prediction. I also learned Web Dev full time and made a lot of short projects that covered writing APIs, authentication, front end state management, and designing in react. A few of the courses that I did were Full-Stack 2020, Introduction to React Hooks from Frontend Masters, Freecodecamp. I also made some projects along the way.

I have made many projects as I was learning new technologies and deployed some of them on cloud services. I made a pet adoption website(when I was learning React) which shows different pets and allows filter by breeds(Beagle, Terrier, Rottweiler) and animal type(Cat, Dog, Horse) and allows users to search these pets. The link to the project is in [REF1] and the source code in [REF2]. I also developed a to-do list in Django with SQLite database that allows users to authenticate, create, edit and restore old notes and checklists. Link to the project is in [REF3]. When I was learning Data Science, I made a project that analyzes different neighborhoods in a city and finds out “in which neighborhoods it would be popular to open a certain kind of shop” based on the number of similar shops in that neighborhood and also the average price per square feet in the neighborhood(Link to my article : [REF4])


I have around a year of experience in the tech field. My current position is Fullstack Developer at a US-based AI company where I have completed 6 months of experience(as of August 2021). My current work involves writing backend APIs for the application, making database schemas, and doing some front-end work as well.

The PG Diploma in Web and mobile app design and development at Langara College aligns with my career goals perfectly. The course outline for this program is what I’m looking to study and I think enrolling in this program will keep me motivated to study the topics that are needed for my career boost. I’m also planning to learn app development which this program offers as well so I think this program would be perfect for me in order to improve my tech stack and expertise in the field. I’m also looking for broad exposure in several different topics like Databases, servers, native mobile applications, and this course has everything that I need.

Furthermore, Langara College is one of the best colleges in the country located in the beautiful city of Vancouver and is world-renowned for its experienced faculty and excellent facilities. The modernized academic program and the teaching techniques make sure that the student will learn to the best of their abilities in their chosen field.

I chose to continue my postgraduate studies in Canada because the country is known for its high standard of quality of life and education. The degrees acquired in the country are globally recognized and are taught under the guidance of the top educators working in the most prestigious universities. The tuition fees and cost of living are low as compared to other countries and that too without any compromise on the quality of education. The thriving job opportunities and welcoming environment of the society make the country one of the preferred student destinations for many global students.

I am thankful for the university for giving me this opportunity and will ensure that if I am accorded the opportunity to pursue my education at your prestigious university, I will work hard to satisfy your expectations.

[REF1] : LINK1
[REF2] : MY GITHUB
[REF3] : LINK 2
[REF4]: LINK 3

VO knows how good Langara College is. You are not comparing Langara college with the colleges in its 10-mile radius, but with the universities and colleges all over Canada.

 

[singh@1234]

frankly getting admit

VO knows how good Langara College is. You are not comparing Langara college with the colleges in its 10-mile radius, but with the universities and colleges all over Canada.

frank;y SP for colleges is tough because they are shit.

 

[singh@1234]

How is app design related to AI, ML stats? if you had said PG in data science that would have made sense. You are not connecting the dots.

 

[sb22651]

I think I overdid my SOP a little by going too deep in my projects and learning instead of giving a higher level overview but I really want to get accepted. So here it is

I’ve been passionate about technology ever since my high school teacher introduced me to animation and coding in flash. I was not able to code for a long time after high school, but since 2018 I’ve realized my passion for it again and started learning to program full time after completing my graduation. I’m fascinated by the fact that how much control I have over everything in coding and I can write my own code with much greater flexibility or use a library and develop applications at a much faster speed. Now to enrich me with international exposure and for the advancement of my passion and career, I would really like to pursue this degree.

After completing my school education at the <school name>with an aggregate of 93.5%, I opted for B.A. (Hons.) in Economics from <university> I studied a lot of statistics, I started learning Machine Learning, Python, and Matplotlib. I made some recommendation systems and made a script with python that helps shopkeepers figure out what the best place to open a store would be. During my learning time, I did a lot of certifications as well. Introduction to Programming and computer science by MITx helped me realize how to think in terms of data structure and Andrew NG’s introduction to Machine Learning and Neural Networks was a great introduction to how neural networks worked in determining image prediction. I also learned Web Dev full time and made a lot of short projects that covered writing APIs, authentication, front end state management, and designing in react. A few of the courses that I did were Full-Stack 2020, Introduction to React Hooks from Frontend Masters, Freecodecamp. I also made some projects along the way.

I have made many projects as I was learning new technologies and deployed some of them on cloud services. I made a pet adoption website(when I was learning React) which shows different pets and allows filter by breeds(Beagle, Terrier, Rottweiler) and animal type(Cat, Dog, Horse) and allows users to search these pets. The link to the project is in [REF1] and the source code in [REF2]. I also developed a to-do list in Django with SQLite database that allows users to authenticate, create, edit and restore old notes and checklists. Link to the project is in [REF3]. When I was learning Data Science, I made a project that analyzes different neighborhoods in a city and finds out “in which neighborhoods it would be popular to open a certain kind of shop” based on the number of similar shops in that neighborhood and also the average price per square feet in the neighborhood(Link to my article : [REF4])


I have around a year of experience in the tech field. My current position is Fullstack Developer at a US-based AI company where I have completed 6 months of experience(as of August 2021). My current work involves writing backend APIs for the application, making database schemas, and doing some front-end work as well.

The PG Diploma in Web and mobile app design and development at Langara College aligns with my career goals perfectly. The course outline for this program is what I’m looking to study and I think enrolling in this program will keep me motivated to study the topics that are needed for my career boost. I’m also planning to learn app development which this program offers as well so I think this program would be perfect for me in order to improve my tech stack and expertise in the field. I’m also looking for broad exposure in several different topics like Databases, servers, native mobile applications, and this course has everything that I need.

Furthermore, Langara College is one of the best colleges in the country located in the beautiful city of Vancouver and is world-renowned for its experienced faculty and excellent facilities. The modernized academic program and the teaching techniques make sure that the student will learn to the best of their abilities in their chosen field.

I chose to continue my postgraduate studies in Canada because the country is known for its high standard of quality of life and education. The degrees acquired in the country are globally recognized and are taught under the guidance of the top educators working in the most prestigious universities. The tuition fees and cost of living are low as compared to other countries and that too without any compromise on the quality of education. The thriving job opportunities and welcoming environment of the society make the country one of the preferred student destinations for many global students.

I am thankful for the university for giving me this opportunity and will ensure that if I am accorded the opportunity to pursue my education at your prestigious university, I will work hard to satisfy your expectations.

[REF1] : LINK1
[REF2] : MY GITHUB
[REF3] : LINK 2
[REF4]: LINK 3

How is langara college "world renowned"? The college is not a "preferred student destination" lol.

Your technical skills are irrelevant. No VO will understand them.

You're trying to pander to the visa officer and they are not fools, they know what you're up to.

 

[thinking_programmer]

Your

frankly getting admit

frank;y SP for colleges is tough because they are shit.

I really wish I would've done a 4 year ug so I can apply for masters though

 

[thinking_programmer]

You never mention about how exactly this will boost your career (ie, after getting this, what are the career choices in home country, etc). Also, based on what I read, VO will think that since you are so good at this already, why would you want to take up this PGD? Your experience, project and skills already make up for the knowledge you would be studying, no?

Also, a college is not exactly a university so fix that in ur last para.

Hope my comment helps

Ah, okay. I will try to answer this question as well. Make sure to cover how this course will help in my career progression. Also people are saying that VO will decline my visa? I always thought that SOP for visa would be separate than SOP for universities/college? Or would a VO have access to my college application as well?

 

[thinking_programmer]

I would definitely remove the technical jargon and dont go deep into the work exp. You need to write it in a way that you are lacking something and this course will help you. You need to write why your country will not provide you this opportunity(you have mentioned, but mention specifically with example). Also, you need to mention about family ties and also mention what you intend to do after this course. That means you will return to home country where there are more opportunities. Also mention how you are financing the education and any shortcomings that needs addressing. In short try to kill the SOP with the perspective of VO and address that issue in SOP. Keep short and precise, dont write too lengthy ones. They need to go through a lot of these everyday.

But this SOP is for the university, not for the visa. A lot of people are mentioning the VO problem but wouldn't there be a separate SOP for VOs where I can cover financing, career progression, valid reason to return to my home country etc?

 

[thinking_programmer]

How is langara college "world renowned"? The college is not a "preferred student destination" lol.

Your technical skills are irrelevant. No VO will understand them.

You're trying to pander to the visa officer and they are not fools, they know what you're up to.

What am I upto lol? Getting better education for myself? Studying my ass off to get in the engineering domain? And this SOP is not for the VO, this is just for the college application so I figured a professor or someone from the CS department would be reading it, hence the technical jargon. I don't know why people keep saying VO will not understand it, I'll prepare another one for my visa application

 

[wonderbly]

What am I upto lol? Getting better education for myself? Studying my ass off to get in the engineering domain? And this SOP is not for the VO, this is just for the college application so I figured a professor or someone from the CS department would be reading it, hence the technical jargon. I don't know why people keep saying VO will not understand it, I'll prepare another one for my visa application

Everyone assumed it was for visa application, hence the reference to VOs.

If this is for a college application, then it's an overkill. Colleges will give you an admission for much, much less.

 

[wonderbly]

But this SOP is for the university, not for the visa. A lot of people are mentioning the VO problem but wouldn't there be a separate SOP for VOs where I can cover financing, career progression, valid reason to return to my home country etc?

You do know that you are applying to a college, not a university right? It seems you don't know there's a difference cos you referred to Langara college as a university in your original post...

 

[thinking_programmer]

You do know that you are applying to a college, not a university right? It seems you don't know there's a difference cos you referred to Langara college as a university in your original post...

Yeah I keep using the wrong words but my point is it's the college SOP and not the visa SOP. I guess I'll tone this down a bit and submit it. I really want to compensate with the SOP because my grades are low and I'm changing fields and I've already got rejected by 2 colleges