Here's my deal. I'm a Caucasian American born and raised in the South (capital S intended). My generation is the first to go to integrated schools. I've never seen segregated bathrooms, etc but have been to places where it was tacitly understood to be "whites only" like country clubs or private restaurants. I knew my father had prejudices and judges people by the race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, and sexual orientation because he was raised in that kind of environment (plus he is old and stubborn and what HE thinks is right IS right. PERIOD). Fortunately, my brothers and I turned out differently though I think I have less bias than my brothers (as a school teacher one quickly learns to love and nurture all children). I'm more of the MLK type and try not to judge people until the content of their character has been revealed.
My guy has so many strikes against him in my father's eyes that he refused to meet him for the first three years of our relationship. Strike one, he's mixed race (dad black West Indian and his mom Caucasian French). Strike two, he's French (didn't see that one coming!). Strike three, he's divorced and has a child. Four, he is a Canadian citizen. What didn't seem to matter was that he was honorable and kind, extremely well-educated (holds a BS in physics, a masters in electrical engineering, an MBA in international business and is currently working on a Certification in Management Accounting) and speaks four languages, has a great job, is good to me, etc etc.
When dad finally agreed to meet him (we were coming to Charleston, South Carolina, my hometown for a week vacation) it was a 3 martini lunch for my dad! It was civil and polite. My brother and his wife were there so the conversation was a bit easier. After lunch my dad took my guy out to the parking lot for the "what are your intentions with my daughter" conversation. I think afterwards that my dad was relieved to finally see beyond what he pictured my guy to be in his mind.
It has been a few years now since that first meeting and though my parents are not eager to have him meet their friends or the other members of our extended family, he is welcome in their home. This Christmas we visited with his son who is 22. Dad thought the son was going to be some sullen teenager who needed constant entertainment. After getting to know the son, my dad complimented my guy on what a fine boy he had raised. One night after a few martinis, yep family tradition, my guy started telling my dad about how his father had served in the free French forces during WWII (my dad is a avid student of WWII history), stayed on in France after the war, met his mother, became a lawyer and then a judge. Dad learned that my guy and he shared similar philosophies on a variety of topics. And while my dad is not overly enthusiastic about the whole situation (after all, my guy took me out of the country and away from them) he seems much more settled and as come to terms with the situation. From here we plan to get the families together next summer on the coast of western France for a wedding. Will see how it goes. One step at a time, eh?
