Bad case of nerves...

[Coldstream63]

Anyone here get all freaked out after doing research by reading these forums or reading CANLII case studies? I got myself all worked up, despite knowing that we have a logical plan to address the red flags in our case. Specifically, after reading this from the judges decision:

There is a significant age difference between the appellant and the applicant (20 years) and the appellant has two children, while the applicant has never been married and has no children. The couple come from different religious and cultural backgrounds and grew up in two very different countries. The panel concludes that the couple is incompatible.

Ugh....Except for the difference in age (ours is 13 years), this is my situation! We have a plan to address the differences, but the narrative in that case seemed so dismissive and arbitrary. I mean, just because of those differences, how can someone just decide their love isn't real?

***sigh***

 

[Alurra71]

Anyone here get all freaked out after doing research by reading these forums or reading CANLII case studies? I got myself all worked up, despite knowing that we have a logical plan to address the red flags in our case. Specifically, after reading this from the judges decision:

There is a significant age difference between the appellant and the applicant (20 years) and the appellant has two children, while the applicant has never been married and has no children. The couple come from different religious and cultural backgrounds and grew up in two very different countries. The panel concludes that the couple is incompatible.

Ugh....Except for the difference in age (ours is 13 years), this is my situation! We have a plan to address the differences, but the narrative in that case seemed so dismissive and arbitrary. I mean, just because of those differences, how can someone just decide their love isn't real?

***sigh***

I am sure there is a lot more to it than just that part of it. Given that it went to a full hearing they were still unable to persuade them that it was a valid relationship. Many are successful when gone to a full hearing. Those who are not successful either really were not a valid couple or they didn't care to take the time to prepare.

Don't spend all of your time reading about refusals and getting all worked up. What is that going to gain you, other than a fear that you will be called in for something. My spouse and I have a 22 year age difference. I joke with him all the time that he was likely out having a beer on the night I was born. If you have a strong application and know how to address any red flags that might be generated then you are likely good to go. Just roll with it and stop worrying too much. It's not healthy to focus on the negative all the time.

 

[Ponga]

The only thing that you can do, besides throwing your computer (and/or smartphone, if you use it for your `research') out the window...

is to focus on what you want. See it in your mind, as if it is already here!

 

[Coldstream63]

Thanks guys - intellectually,I know each case is unique and we can address the red flags. Of the two of us, I'm the designated "worrier", LOL. ANd yes, that case did have other issues that led the judge to rule against an appeal, but it was just that one paragraph that wigged me out.

I think a splash of rum and coke will help me see the issue in context....LOL
(it's for medicinal purposes only )

Thanks again guys

 

[mikeymyke]

Yes each case is unique, also I've read Canlii cases a lot too, even if the couple does not appear compatible, the relationship can still be genuine. Can you show me the link to the case? They probably had some other factors such as the applicant not knowing much about the sponsor, not able to answer the questions properly, etc.

Also , you're doing an excellent job addressing your red flags, they probably didn't.

 

[Eowyn]

Please don't worry yourself over "what ifs". I know, I know, easier said than done.

My husband and I have a twenty year age difference. On the day I was born, he was likely helping to plan his first wedding lol. He has two children from his first marriage. Yet, our application sailed through. It was only just over five months from the day we stuck it in the post, to the day his CoPR arrived. Think positive thoughts. I'm sure everything will be fine.

 

[Coldstream63]

Yes each case is unique, also I've read Canlii cases a lot too, even if the couple does not appear compatible, the relationship can still be genuine. Can you show me the link to the case? They probably had some other factors such as the applicant not knowing much about the sponsor, not able to answer the questions properly, etc.

Also , you're doing an excellent job addressing your red flags, they probably didn't.

Yes, there were definitely issues with the case I quoted from http://www.canlii.org/en/ca/irb/doc/2008/2008canlii76298/2008canlii76298.html?searchUrlHash=AAAAAQClVGhlIGNvdXBsZSBjb21lIGZyb20gZGlmZmVyZW50IHJlbGlnaW91cyBhbmQgY3VsdHVyYWwgYmFja2dyb3VuZHMgYW5kIGdyZXcgdXAgaW4gdHdvIHZlcnkgZGlmZmVyZW50IGNvdW50cmllcy4gVGhlIHBhbmVsIGNvbmNsdWRlcyB0aGF0IHRoZSBjb3VwbGUgaXMgaW5jb21wYXRpYmxlLiAgAAAAAAE

As I mentioned, it was just that one paragraph that hit a nerve.

Well, it's just more a good reminder to make our application airtight

 

[on-hold]

I'm sure other people have more insight into this -- but I suspect that CIC is much more strict when the 20-year age gap is between an older woman and a younger man. Quite simply, this is rare; and the opposite is common in many traditional cultures. If so, it's a sexist standard, but at the same time, CIC's desire to see 'culturally appropriate' marriages will support it. Does anyone have an opinion on that? Is there anyone here who got a visa with an atypical age gap?

 

[keesio]

Anyone here get all freaked out after doing research by reading these forums or reading CANLII case studies? I got myself all worked up, despite knowing that we have a logical plan to address the red flags in our case. Specifically, after reading this from the judges decision:

There is a significant age difference between the appellant and the applicant (20 years) and the appellant has two children, while the applicant has never been married and has no children. The couple come from different religious and cultural backgrounds and grew up in two very different countries. The panel concludes that the couple is incompatible.

Ugh....Except for the difference in age (ours is 13 years), this is my situation! We have a plan to address the differences, but the narrative in that case seemed so dismissive and arbitrary. I mean, just because of those differences, how can someone just decide their love isn't real?

***sigh***

I was reviewing some of your older posts to refresh myself of your situation. Your red flags are minor. Your age difference will have minimal impact because 13 years is not that big a deal when the man is older than the woman. There are some cultural/religious differences but neither of you are overly religious and have good support from both your relatives and community.

Looking at it totally objectively I really don't see much of an issue. From what I recall, you were putting together a nice set of supporting documentation showing the validity of your relationship. I've seen cases with red flags much much more serious than your case get approved.

 

[keesio]

I'm sure other people have more insight into this -- but I suspect that CIC is much more strict when the 20-year age gap is between an older woman and a younger man. Quite simply, this is rare; and the opposite is common in many traditional cultures. If so, it's a sexist standard, but at the same time, CIC's desire to see 'culturally appropriate' marriages will support it. Does anyone have an opinion on that? Is there anyone here who got a visa with an atypical age gap?

I agree that CIC has a bit of a sexist attitude where they are more suspicious of relationships where the woman is much more older than the man. But CIC is sexist because quite frankly because this attitude is common as you said. Even in the western world. But there have been several cases where the woman is much older and it was approved.