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Please evaluate my task 2 essay.

adilesha

Newbie
Feb 20, 2013
3
0
Does modern technology make life more convenient, or was life better when technology was simpler?

In a world of increasing technological industry our life becomes practical and comfortable. Around the globe, people do enjoy convenience of modern technologies such as brand-new cars, mobile phones and computers. Even though I agree that these innovations perform tremendously huge influence on our life, in my view, people should not be immersed in modern technology.

On the one hand, technology is vastly increase efficiency of current working people. By doing so, each and every person execute more assignments than when technology was primitive. While it may be true that technological progress do people lazier, however when they receive tasks from chief they are able to make them on their computers sitting at home. From my experience, when I was given a critically essential objective by my teacher at university, I did it successfully because of my computer. Due to internet I was able to search all needed information in my computer, instead of sleeping at library doing grueling research of books which was necessary to me. In such a context, modern technology helps people in almost every sphere of human activity.

On the other hand, modern technology has one extremely important remark which is estranging people from each other. A good example of this is social network, where people chatting instead of getting together and even use camera to see their friends directly. As a result, people become home-birds, feel awkwardness even be less communicative when go out with friends, classmates or relatives.

To sum up, through a multi-pronged approach, modern technology has a high contribution to the world. I strongly believe that technology perform almost every human’s problem. For instance, washing machine makes our clothes clear and fresh without any intervention. Yet, without that device we did it ourselves, rubbing our arms and being tired of that appalling work.

301 words
 

spyrosbestplumber

Full Member
Dec 17, 2012
29
1
I think this is much better although you need to redistribute the paragraphs to a model like this ;20 % prologue ,30% main body e.g. the pros ,30% the cons and 20 % epilogue-conclusion.You can search to see videos in youtube of IELTS - Ryan ,propably he will help you understand what you are supposed to do with task 2.You also need to use more presicely linking words and phrases to achieve a more complete cohesion ,but this is only my opinion.