Please review and rate my writing Task 2

[SweetAI]

I am aiming to get 7 in GT - Writing. Can you please help to review and rate? Thank you.


These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home.Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?



With technology advancement, it is often thought that working from home becomes a lot easier by using a personal computer and smartphone. In my opinion, working at home has more benefits as it will save money and time for both employee and employer.

First of all, the most prominent advantage of working from home is saving money. For the employer, as an example, as no proper office facility is required, the rental fee of office will be used for the better purpose such as in investment. For the employee, it is not required to commute daily, the transportation charges will be saved and may add it to saving money. Besides, as no formal attires and uniform are required, the money for clothing can be added to saving. Therefore, working from home saves a lot of money to both employee and employer.

Secondly, the other benefit of working from home is saving time. A study conducted by the British National Workforce Improvement Agency mentioned that most of the employee spends at least three to four hours a day on the road in order to go to work. By working at home, an employee can save the commuting time and hopefully, they can utilize that time to upgrade their skills and to spend more time with family. For the employer, in addition, they may also use their time for the family commitment by working from home.

Thirdly, as per earlier mentioned examples, there are many benefits to working from home, but the employee may encounter distraction from working at home instead of working in the office. As there may have many other family members at home, the employee may get easily distracted and will not give full attention to work which will have a huge impact on productivity.

In conclusion, although there might have drawbacks from working at home, I believe and working from home has more advantages than disadvantages.

Hi junegloom, I read your essay closely. You are aiming for Band 7 in GT Writing - here is my honest scoring and the fixes that matter most.

Task Response - 6.5. Both sides are covered and your position is clear from the introduction to the conclusion. One warning: the "study conducted by the British National Workforce Improvement Agency" with "three to four hours a day on the road" sounds invented, and examiners discount statistics they cannot believe. A simple personal example ("a neighbour who spends two hours a day commuting") scores better than a fake authority.

Coherence and Cohesion - 6.5. Paragraphing is clean. The weak joint is the third paragraph: "Thirdly, as per earlier mentioned examples" does not signal that you are switching to the disadvantage. Use a real turn signal: "However, working from home is not without its drawbacks."

Lexical Resource - 6.0. Too much repetition of your two key phrases ("saving money", "saving time") and some collocation slips: "With technology advancement" should be "With advances in technology"; "formal attires" should be "formal attire" (uncountable); "add it to saving money" should be "put it into savings".

Grammar - 6.0. This is your gate to Band 7. Three patterns: (1) "most of the employee spends" should be "most employees spend"; (2) comma splices - "it is not required to commute daily, the transportation charges will be saved" is two sentences joined by a comma; (3) your final sentence breaks down: "I believe and working from home has more advantages" should be "I believe working from home has more advantages than disadvantages". A broken last sentence is the worst place to lose marks, because it is the last thing the examiner reads.

Overall: Band 6.5. Your ideas and structure are already at 7 level in places; accuracy is what holds you back. I keep my own accuracy up with one timed question a day and a check against the four criteria - I use the free daily practice at ielts.sweetai.work/practice for that routine.