We're starting the application, but...

[misu raseru]

My husband and I aren't sure of where I should stay during the process.

My husband, who is Canadian, and I (a US Citizen) married in July, and are in the process of starting the application process.  I'm currently working a summer job here in Alaska, and we're planning to visit the States for a week or so in October.  We're unsure of where to apply.  I stayed with him for 8 months, and had to leave the country back in April (they sent me to the border for "further examination" when really it was to lure me into voluntarily going back to the States).  I have been denied twice at the border, once for finances (which I remedied), and the other because I had no ties to the States, and my husband and I weren't married yet.  We were planning to marry in October, but we ended wedding sooner, in a wedding ceremony thrown for us.

Now, as the end of the season approaches, we wonder if we should apply while I'm stil here in the states, or if I should try to go to Canada.  I've made it so that if I have to leave, I have the funds to go back to the States for a while (I learned my lesson last time), but we would really like to stay together.  I know of the policy that allows for spouses to stay in Canada while the application is in queue, but I don't really understand it.  We'd prefer to be together, and I really consider my husband's hometown to be my own.  I'm really confused about this process, but I don't have enough to afford a lawyer (and I wish I did).

What option would be better?  I realize that if I'm in Canada, the process takes longer, but if it means I'm with my husband, I don't mind so much.  And legally, despite my history, should I even attempt to go back to Canada?

Thanks for your assistance in this matter.

[compumom]

Hi - I'm an American married to a Canadian, too.  We met on the internet and talked for hours every day for 2 1/2 months.  I came to Canada on vacation last October to visit in person, and we ended up married two days later.  Both of us were complete innocents when it came to the whole international marriage thing, but we've had one heck of a crash course since!

We went through a nightmare at the border a couple of days after our wedding - we were planning a day trip to the States, and he got turned back by the U.S., so we turned around to come back, and I got turned back by Canada.  We were in separate vehicles, and he went through first, then they detained me.  They wouldn't even allow us to see or speak to each other. 

We have never really understood the reason for it.  It seemed to be because we got married, but reading your post, I wonder if it was the same reason they gave you.  To be honest, I was so freaked out that it's all a blur.  It was the worst experience I've ever been through - and I've been through some doozies.

It was only midway through my vacation and I'm from south Florida, so I had nowhere else to go.  The next day I was allowed back in as a visitor.  We then decided to file the In-Canada application as soon as possible, but it takes a while to get all the required background stuff together (fingerprints, police record check, medical exam, etc.).  I already received one visitor extension, and have applied for another.  We finally mailed the In-Canada application yesterday.

Our understanding is that once you've filed In-Canada you'd better plan on staying in Canada until the process is completed, and the average for that has been about six years for everyone we've spoken to in this area.  If you leave, there's a good chance you won't be allowed back in, and that's not something we're willing to chance.  One such experience was more than enough for us!

I'm told the same thing is true if you apply from the U.S., that you should plan on not coming into Canada until the process is completed, so it sounds like it's a challenge no matter where you do it.

There are some tough things about it.  I came here from the other end of the continent (3,178 miles), so for me to "go home" is a very big deal, especially with no guarantee that I'd be let back into Canada.  My only niece is getting married September 1st, and I won't be able to be there; that hurts.  My mom is soon to be 78 years old, and should something happen to her it would be very hard for me to not be able to go.  I had to think all that through and make my decision.  I urge you to spend some time thinking about all the possibilities in your world before you make yours.

I grew up in Michigan and used to cross the border all the time with no issues.  That was then, this is now, and BOY, have things changed!

I don't want to be discouraging at all.  My only intent is to try and encourage you to be prepared for challenges and think about them ahead of time, and that's because I wish somebody had warned us!  :-)

[misu raseru]

I know exactly how you feel.  The situation you describe sounds like mine, only I had to go to the border alone. I am more than prepared to stay as long as I need to in Canada if it comes to that, and as I mentioned before, I will have money to go back to my hometown of Chicago if it comes to that. I'm sorry that we both had to go through such a thing, and that we'll know better next time. 

I want to stay with my husband, but I'm crossing my t's and dotting my i's this time, if you know what I mean.

PMM, can you please offer me some assistance (I know, I'm shamelessly begging, but what can I say, you are very knowledgeable)