***Please Check my Writing Task***

[orimairu]

QUESTION : img402.imageshack.us/img402/6420/scan0001map.jpg


My response :

   The graph compares the number of passenger three different types of railways, National rail net work, London underground and Lightrail & metrosystem, made since 1950 up until 2005.

   In the year 1950, the National rail network had 300 million more people using its service than that of the London underground which served approximately 700 million people. Nine years after that in 1959, the number of passengers made by the national rail network reached its peak while that of the London underground was constantly settling at the same point as in 1950, with perceivably a paucity of minor fluctuation.

   The introduction of the Lightrail & metrosystem in 1963 which provided service to 30 million passengers set off a decrease in the number people served by the National rail network whereas the London underground remained unaffected. Likewise, in 1984 the National rail network and the London underground experienced a massive fall in their use of services, plunging into their nadir of 600 and 500 million passengers respectively while the Light rail & metrosystem gained an increase in popularity and reached the number of 100 million passengers.

   From 1985 onwards, the three services encountered minor fluctuations but the numbers of passengers in served overall increased throughout to the year 2005.

TOTAL WORD COUNT : 207 < I wonder if this would be enough since the question requires more than 150 but mine is only merely above that...
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I would really appreciate if you could score and point out any mistakes or ways to improve my writing =D

Thank you very much!

[Kaushik Roy]

if they have said its 150 to 200 then it better be so my friend. ur english is good but ur overshooting way too much.

its not just how good one can write.. its how good u can adapt to limitations and express urself.

but this is nothing that a few days of practice can't fix. have a mental map of the volume ur going to write..

[theshivster]

I think that the only problems you have are using a bit more punctuation and phrases like "plunging into their nadir" seem to be lifted right from a book. Be natural and let it flow as if you were speaking the answer. Other than that your spelling etc is grand. Much better than some people that I know who use English every day