Other people have no idea what we go through

[Bangkokcanuck]

Good lord this thread feels like such a downer. I really feel for you that are apart, or even those that are together but not whole yet, i.e. not being mobile or being able to work etc. I simply can't imagine being apart from my family for a week forget months on end.

My hat is off collectively to those of you going through the separation and the building of a new life in a new country, Canada is lucky to have you.

[Baloo]

I can't help it though, I want to be with him ALL the time. I am constantly told that when we get older this will change but I just don't see that happening and don't want it to.

Believe me, it doesn't change when you get older.

Getting old is the difference between your body and the kid inside your head 

[Love_Young]

Haha Baloo thanks for reassuring my thoughts.
I think that kid in my mind and with my body is already making its mark on me. Lol. 

[Gemauru]

It's an old post, and maybe some of you have finished the process already... but is new for me.

The funny thing is I'm at work and while reading this,
I have 2 coworkers coming and asking AGAIN for my husband and the whole thing!!!!!!!!

I'm the sponsor, and I understand what my husband is going through...
I know how hard is for him being "home alone", frustrated, feeling that he can't help...
New country, new language... total change in his life
and no chance (for now) to do what he loves the most (he's been a Karate Instructor for 30 years)

If I feel down, in top of everything he has to cheer me up.
I try not to whine so he doesn't feel guilty...
But me too I cheer him up when he goes down... and I work, and answer questions, and fill forms,
and stopped traveling, and, and, and...

I will not change it. We know is temporary, we know in a year everything will be different.

But as this threat started: Other people have no idea what we go through

[CharlieD10]

Since we're applying outland, we are apart most of the time.  I seldom say to anyone, "I miss my husband, I wish he was here, or I wish this were over faster", because I'm afraid someone will point out that since our relationship started online, I should be used to being physically separated from him, and I'll get upset with them.  Actually, the minute he landed in Jamaica, being familiar with being physically separated went out the window, and I grew into a routine and a life that included him being there.  After he left the first time, in Oct 2010, I tried mightily hard to go back to being comfortable with his physical absence, but it didn't happen.  This time, I haven't even bothered to try.  I already know it's not going to work. 

My family is fortunately tactful, and they know better than to ask questions about the Immigration process, they simply let me update them when something happens.  I kept my personal life out of the office I used to work in, so no-one asked me questions very often, other than a random "what's hubby doing with himself while you're at work", and I would smile and say "Working on such and such a project".  I never bothered explaining that most times he was working on projects in Canada, and not here in Jamaica.

Fortunately I have made friends here in this forum, and they keep me cheerful and listen to my occasional ranting about the process with the tolerance of "been there, done that".  I can never rant for too long while talking to them, they have completed the process, so it cheers me to know that in time, I will be where they are now, enjoying the occasional desire to get away from my spouse because we live together in one place all the time.

[Feaky Snucker]

I haven't seen my husband since January 7th. Before that, we were together for 5 months. Prior to that we were apart for 10 months. We've been married for a year and 7 months, and we've only been together for 5 of them.

Most people will never know what it's like - even the months we were together, the stress of the looming separation was so hard, and even now, trying to stay positive, while hoping Buffalo gets their thumbs out of their butts and starts processing our paperwork!

What frustrates me a lot is how everyone that asks me about my husband turns into an immigration expert right away! "Oh well he can probably just come here and land."   No...  "Well there's got to be a quicker way." No...   "Why doesn't he just apply for a work permit? Then he'd be here. Problem solved." NO!  *facepalm*  Then when you explain why this is the fastest, their eyes glaze over and they offer the usual - well I'm sure it will be fine. Then they go about their lives. I'd rather them not ask, because then I don't have to think about it... it always seems as though as soon as I've managed to not obsess over it for three minutes, THAT'S when someone asks! Haha. I'm trying to keep a sense of humour, but I think I need a shirt that says, No you don't understand, I'll tell YOU when I hear anything, Yes this IS the quickest way, No your friend CAN'T help me...

But that's a pretty long message for a tshirt!

[sidkrose]

I'm glad I saw this thread because this is exactly how I've been feeling the last few days. Me and my common law partner haven't yet applied, but we are getting our application together, and plan to file as soon as I have to go home to Canada.

Over the last few days we have been gathering letters from friends and family stating that our relationship is genuine and I had to explain so many times WHY we needed the evidence, and how the letters were just the tip of the ice burg and how we are doing it IS the best way for us...

I had a friend say that it would have just been easier if my partner had "put a ring on it"...she didn't understand that we'd still have to prove a genuine relationship if we were married. And she certainly isn't the only one who has said that, why is it so hard for people to understand that we just DON'T want to get married, that we are perfectly content being committed to each other.

And when I tell people how long it may take, they just look confused and pitying. No one understands!!! Ok, I'm done with my rant, haha. I'm sure this will only get worse when we actually do file and we're separated and people are constantly asking me were he is...

Oh well. It will be worth it in the end.

[ritchierd]

These sort of things make me thankful that most of the people I know in the states dont really ask me too many questions other than something along the lines of...."Why would you go to Canada it's so cold up there." That would be quite annoying to have to explain the process again and again and again. At the same time I've been in Canada on a visitor record plus 2 extensions and am golden till September. Hopefully I'll have PR LONG LONG LONG before then...... It does sometimes drive me crazy that I'm not allowed to work and contribute. I've worked pretty much continuous since I was 15 and I'm 28 now. I'm a lot harder on myself than she is though.