On a casual note... LESSONS OF LIFE -Enjoy it's every Moment !!!

[gauravgirdhar]

A Little gyan(Information) :

*The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma
*No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait..
*Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass! )
*You burn more calories sleeping..than you do watching television.
*Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
*The first product to have a bar code...............was Wrigley's gum.
*Playing Cards : The King of Hearts is the only king.............WITHOUT A MUSTACHE
*American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
*Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you ?)
(That women are going the 'right' direction...?)
*Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning . 
*Most dust particles in your house are made from .....DEAD SKIN
*The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
*Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
*PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR !
*The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
*It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
*A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
*Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now !)
*nd the best for last.... Turtles can breathe through their butts.

[lakhvinder.kaur]

  @   canadian4
nice posts.

This would definitely make u laugh.....
  
Don't forget to read the last one.
 
These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com < http://shaadi.com/ > These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors  have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sushma, I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my
home. I am not a good education but i working all   field in
bangalore ..
if u like me u welcome to my heart...
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sushma ~*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
 
( Wut Homework?)
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every   moments of life.
I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then   why to late
come on .........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life   because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me
and love me lot lot lot

( I don't know why but this is one of my favorites )
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
 
( by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO   MAKE ANY BODY
TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

( all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone
groom   and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he
would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl
wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
 
( I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome" )
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and   father &
mother sister completely married

( somebody please explain in comments section how to   get married 'completely' ?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
 
(height of desperation! J )
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

( No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run   my life
happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'..
i expect the   good   minded and clean habits boy who may be in the
same
caste or other   caste   accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is   white. i like
social service.

(Zebra..)
 
________________________________________

[qorax]

Indeed God is Great, ya Gaurav...

[qorax]

And Ma'am LK, that was hilarious... Especially coming from a lady!

[Canadian4U]

   @     canadian4
nice posts.

Hi Lakhvinder,

Awesome,,, thanks.

[sanjeevindia]

i think this is going to be my fav thread on the forum. 

[qorax]

i think this is going to be my fav thread on the forum. 

The 3rd poster on this thread, "sweetberry" would kill u for that, if s/he could.

[Canadian4U]

The 3rd poster on this thread, "sweetberry" would kill u for that, if s/he could.

Just visited that post.... Really he/she going to kill all of us...be carefull...but anyways we don't care..

[sanjeevindia]

The 3rd poster on this thread, "sweetberry" would kill u for that, if s/he could.

ready for it.

[vaibhavvd]

all these posts are quite refreshing. letting us relieve the immi pressure/tension/frustration.

thanks guys and keep on posting these kind of light hearted jokes.

regards,
Vaibhav

[Canadian4U]

Hi Another one ...

Needs a lot of thinking... Can you answer this?
 
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
 
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.
 
Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
 
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
 He was taken to the electrocution chamber.
 
There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.
 
The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him! .
 
But to everyone's amazement, he survived.
 
The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
 
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.
 
Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
 
The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.
 
The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.
 
He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
 
This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.
 
The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
 
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.
 
This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.
 
Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.
 
The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.
 
Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.
 
The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.
 
He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
 
This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
 

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??
 

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical.
 
If necessary read the puzzle once again.
 
 
 
Still you couldn't, Then see below...
 
 
 
Think hard
 
 
 
Tired?
 
 
 
wanna know the answer?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Answer :
 
During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him.
 
But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !
 
Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity? ?

[sunny1975]

5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE & LESSONS

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


*********

Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


*********

Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story

Always let your boss have the first say.


*********

Lesson 4:


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Moral of the story

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


*********

Lesson 5:


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story

Bull*censored word* might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


*********

Lesson 6:


A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.



Morals of this story

(1) Not everyone who *censored word*s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of *censored word* is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep *censored word*, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

[thejackson]

Thanks a million brother. You have made my day. You are a blessing to your generation.
 Once again, thanks and may the ALMIGHTY give you more wisdom to lift up those who are down.
I applied in March 2005 and June 2005. I am blessed

[WAY]

Hahahah......Great LK G; Kamal comments kitay G tusan te......waisy ek gaal te daso, a tusi kuryaan de profile kyun read kar rahi ho G???

  @    canadian4
nice posts.

This would definitely make u laugh.....
  
Don't forget to read the last one.
 
These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com < http://shaadi.com/ > These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors  have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sushma, I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my
home. I am not a good education but i working all   field in
bangalore ..
if u like me u welcome to my heart...
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sushma ~*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
 
( Wut Homework?)
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every   moments of life.
I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then   why to late
come on .........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life   because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me
and love me lot lot lot

( I don't know why but this is one of my favorites )
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
 
( by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO   MAKE ANY BODY
TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

( all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone
groom   and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he
would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl
wants)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
 
( I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome" )
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and   father &
mother sister completely married

( somebody please explain in comments section how to   get married 'completely' ?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
 
(height of desperation! J )
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

( No comments)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run   my life
happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'..
i expect the   good   minded and clean habits boy who may be in the
same
caste or other   caste   accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is   white. i like
social service.

(Zebra..)
 
________________________________________

[Canadian4U]

I don't believe in numerology... but found this quite interesting, hence fwding..

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

This world cup is already determined by the numbers.... 

1. Brazil won the World Cup in 1994;   before that they also won in 1970.  Adding 1970 + 1994= 3964

2. Argentina won its last World Cup in 1986; before that they also won in 1978. Adding 1978 + 1986= 3964   

3. Germany won its last World Cup in 1990; before that they also won in 1974. Adding 1974 + 1990= 3964   

4. Brazil also won the World Cup in 2002; before that they also won in 1962. Adding 1962+ 2002= 3964

5. Therefore if you want to know what nation is going to win the World Cup in 2010, you only have to subtract 2010 from the magic number that we have determined: 3964.

3964 minus 2010 = 1954...   

In 1954 the World Cup was won by Germany!!! 

Probably not scientific...  but pretty interesting..
LETS WAIT & WATCH......