Marriage and living in Canada

[Aldrea]

If there is already a subject such as this one please direct me to it. I can use all the information I can find. Here's my situation:

I'm a U.S. citizen with a love in Canada. We've been together some time but recently she took off work to visit me in the U.S. for a month and I've visited her for six. Clearly, I want to live there to be with her. We want to get married but
a) Marriage is not permitted in my state
b) She hates it in my home state (Which makes two of us)

During my stay in  B.C, Canada I grew to love it. The people and culture seemed so much richer, more tolerant. I would gladly move to be with my fiance and live that dandy happy life. But I'm not a special person.
I'm a high school graduate with no secondary education. I have no idea where I would find any way to study in Canada without financial aid.
I have no certificates for work - I'm not a skilled worker even in the U.S. let alone Canada. I literally have nothing there except her.

To make matters a bit stickier, she's been on leave of absence from her job (also not a high wage job) due to medical reasons without a diagnoses.

I did everything I was supposed to. I stayed in Canada the allowed time and I left before my six months expired and now I'm back home with my family. I've visited them for two weeks and now, three days before my flight back to Canada I'm starting to get sick to my stomach.
I have this huge paranoia they won't let me back in. When I first visited, I was held back four hours in customs because they were suspicious I wouldn't ever leave due to not having strong ties to home. When I left a little over a week ago the man checking me after security remarked that I had been there a long time and that I should "Watch what I'm doing. A lot of people get in trouble. Just watch yourself."
Pardon me, but what the hell does that mean?

I'm not working there illegally. I'm not causing trouble. Everywhere I've read says that technically I can stay for the 6months, leave for a day, and come right back. Frankly I think that's a load of turf considering everything. It's understandable to be so critical to those flying in to protect the country but I'm just confused. I bought my ticket in Canada and worst case scenario they don't let me in do I just sit there and pray I can get my parents to fly me back home?

I certainly don't want to lie to anybody, but I just wish there was something I could say that would make me seem less threatening. I can't just walk up to customs when they ask me how long I'm staying and say "My fiance and I are getting married, starting the paperwork for immigration and seeing where it goes from there."
That's not even a specific amount of time I just... I didn't break the law the first time why would they figure I'd do it this time? But I guess why wouldn't they?

The paperwork. Jeeze. My family isn't very accepting of my lifestyle, but I at least got a weary nod from my mother when I asked if she'd attend my wedding. That's more of a personal accomplishment but sort of relevant. Couldn't my partner and I get technically 'married' with the paperwork when I return and later bring my family up for a celebration when expenses aren't such an issue?

Speaking of expenses- if I'm staying in Canada, I have no way to obtain income. I'm relying solely on my partner who at this time isn't even medically stable enough to return to work. There's thousands of dollars involved in this and I'm at a complete loss of how to go about anything. I can't just sit tight while her and her family help keep me there. It's not right.
And once I start applying for citizenship, don't I have to stay in Canada for like four years? That's too long to not work.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm sad. I'm confused and I just want to go back. But with all of this money and time involved I think I should just stay here, find another job, and try to save up money to process all of these fees and requirements. But even then would I be any closer to being with her?
I guess it's just selfish. It just really hurts to stay away for months/years at a time unable to be together. I know in the eyes of the government my problems mean nothing. I just need some help in figuring out what I should do. I have three days now to decide if I'm going to see her again or stay here for who knows how long and support her and myself abroad.

If any of you have a comment please post it. It's infinitely appreciated.

[scylla]

Just to clarify, you'll be applying for permanent residence first (not citizenship). Since you are from the US, you should apply outland (not inland). Outland is way faster for Americans. Also, if you apply outland, you don't have to stay in Canada without leaving while the application is being processed. If you haven't done so already, read the first post in the following thread. It has info that will probably help.

http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/spousal-sponsorship-t46995.0.html

As for visiting... There's no easy or clear cut answer. The reason why you are running into problems is because once you are spending more time in Canada than outside of Canada, you're really behaving more like you're "living" here rather than just "visiting". (Many of us on this forum have been through this and there's a very fine line you have to try to walk when you want to stay here for long periods of time.) Sure, you're following the rules by not working, etc. But at this point you're spending way more time in Canada than a visitor normally would and this is what has caught the attention of immigration. Simply put - you're not allowed to live here as a visitor. (And yes - I know how much of a mess this creates. My husband went through it as well.)

Your best option for the next border crossing is as follows:
- bring proof that shows strong ties to the US
- bring proof of your departure flight (assuming you're flying)
- pay the spousal immigration fees and bring proof that you have done so (this shows that you have plans to change your status to something more premanent)
- bring proof that you have started completing the sponsorship application (or preferably - bring proof that it has already been submitted)

Hope this helps at least somewhat...

[scylla]

Oh - just to add, my husband's application for PR (he's American too) was processed in four months. We applied outland.

[Aldrea]

Excellent. Thank you so much for the quick response. It makes a world of difference. And thanks for the alternate thread. I'll for sure do some reading through there as well.
I have to look in to these things further. Thanks again. : )

And that processing time seems extremely fast. It's definitely worth looking in to further.