CHC, Islamabad Spouse Sponsorship Timeline 2009 -2010

[s_design]

That is realli sad to hear bhai, i guess she is not interested n if she doesnt want it then u have made the right decision n I wish u a happy life ahead of u....

Take a break from here n everything n go for a one week vacation alone to somewhere u like.... n
wen u come back everything will start from fresh

Thank you sis, I am trying to get over it and start my life again. Please keep me if your prayers.

[sawera]

Thank you sis, I am trying to get over it and start my life again. Please keep me if your prayers.

IS SHE STILL IN UR NIKKAH SHERAZ.

[qamalik729]

bhai app ki baat mai daammm hai.

Thanks sis ,

[kachrakhana]

Its a totally wrong decision ...... it tells me that ur jus 23 or 24 years old ........

girls in Pakistan are different than the who world ........... it totally depends upon family area ............  wot ur wife said and wot was decoded in ur mind ........are too totally different things .........  and I tell u one thing this sponsorship is IA the only worst time in all of ours life ............

One thing is common for men and women .............

>>> Men :> should never ever make decision in stress ......  try to get suggestion wen ur in stress
>>> Women :> Should never even make decision .......

I wish I could convince ya that ur decision is wrong ......... but after 2 to 3 years u will realize ....

Chill

I agree with you qaMalik.

Brother S_Design ,

Check you Inbox if your final decision is not done verbally + officially.

God bless you !

[s_design]

Its a totally wrong decision ...... it tells me that ur jus 23 or 24 years old ........

girls in Pakistan are different than the who world ........... it totally depends upon family area ............  wot ur wife said and wot was decoded in ur mind ........are too totally different things .........  and I tell u one thing this sponsorship is IA the only worst time in all of ours life ............

One thing is common for men and women .............

>>> Men :> should never ever make decision in stress ......  try to get suggestion wen ur in stress
>>> Women :> Should never even make decision .......

I wish I could convince ya that ur decision is wrong ......... but after 2 to 3 years u will realize ....

Chill

Obviously this is just a small glimpse of our relationship. Many things I have not discussed. I understand what  your saying, love can mean different thing for different people. I dont believe in saying it all the time, I rather people show it instead of saying it. What if someone dont show it nor say it? And say that she does not want it, what you do then??

I know you think she was shy, but she was not a shy person in any way or form.

[s_design]

Guys I have already done the Iskikhara. And in reply she told me all the things, at that time I knew what my decision should be. Allah had made it clear in my heart.

[s_design]

Have to go, I will check back later and reply to the comments.

Bye guys.

[qamalik729]

Obviously this is just a small glimpse of our relationship. Many things I have not discussed. I understand what  your saying, love can mean different thing for different people. I dont believe in saying it all the time, I rather people show it instead of saying it. What if someone dont show it nor say it? And say that she does not want it, what you do then??

I know you think she was shy, but she was not a shy person in any way or form.

But brother come on ........ it does not work that way .............. u go there ............ u make a decision to live ur lifes together ......and u as husband accept to take care of her through out life in all ups and recessions ...............

I mean 2 years ........... and u think ......... its not gonna work ......... both of u cannot do it ................ At least u should give it Istakhara chance .......

You never know wots result of it ............. and tell u one thing .......... in my life ............. The people i hated the most at first ........ proved to be my best friends ................ There is no way ........ u never know .......ever ......... wots inside a person ..........

It deserves Istakhara ..............

May Allah keep u happy and show u the right path ...........

[qamalik729]

Guys I have already done the Iskikhara. And in reply she told me all the things, at that time I knew what my decision should be. Allah had made it clear in my heart.

If you have done Istkhara ............. then wot r u worried abt ...............
You followed the book steps dude .........
You have to have to follow results
So just chill coz God wants it to happen that way .......... who is there to stop ........

[kachrakhana]

Guys I have already done the Iskikhara. And in reply she told me all the things, at that time I knew what my decision should be. Allah had made it clear in my heart.

I understand your feeling brother. As I remember you can do ISTIKHARA couple of times. Try to take another chance and see what comes up 2nd time.
When she came in your Nikkah ,it become your responsibility to take care of all matter with cool mind ,honesty and Justice.  Atleast give little bit more time to yourself and your wife.Allah app ki madad farmay "Ameen"

Remember ,You are also very close to get PPR and I think kafi maslay solve hoo jain gay os waqt.

Take Care of yourself

[Allah Madat]

s_design brother final decision will be yours but most of us would suggest that you do istikhara first and give your relation a second chance. Marriage is an art, one has to go through many things. it is how one sees and deals with situation. Finishing it off is the easiest solution but you both should get together and talk it out in person before you come to a solution.  
May Allah guide you with the best.

[sawera]

Have to go, I will check back later and reply to the comments.

Bye guys.

bhai ....yeh qamalik aur kachra bhai app ko ek dafa aur try karne ko is liyai khai rahe hain.......takai sub solve hojaey(app ki batare kai liyai)....well app batar jante ho baki app ki marzi so b happy always  

[R.Mujgani]

come on .......... how can u say that ...... I mean ......... well .......

If they never come cloze to each other they would never know ........ girly ........

You all : i mean on this forum ........ dont give a decision ........ you guys jus go with flow ............
If i say i will jump from a 10 story building .......... u all will say best of luck ..................... lol ......... i mean some on forum would really want that ...


My argument is ........................ love means different for every person ........ it sounds different in ears ............ and if u did not drive a Lamborghini .......... u would only have opinion about it ............. decision/judgment is when u have driven it .........

Bhai i am not tellin him to leave her... i was the first to post n tell him to think bout it
but its his life decision./.... n i agree wit u girls some are different back there...

but again s_design knos better wat he is doing in his life...
we are no one to tell him anyhitng
we can advice him n talk wit him which i did but he is makin his decision himself...

I wish i could have then stay together n be happy n i always pray that this stuff never happens in anyones life...

still s_design bhai THINK IT realllli HARDD for a week or soo n then make a decision

[Danny4450]

Thank you all my friends for all the support and love, and if I call you friends I think you also deserve to know why I decided to end my marriage. Sorry I did not explain before but it was tough for me to share these things on the forum and it is still hard but I know many people here care about me so I have decided to share my story...

Our marriage (Nikkah only) was arranged so it was only three days after the Nikkah that I spoke to my wife for the first time. Few minutes in to our phone conversation she told me that she do not want to have a emotional relationship between us. I was sad to hear it because I really wanted to share everything with her and emotional connection was a very important part, at least for me. She explained that because we will be living so far away from each other, it will be easier to wait for each other if we are not emotionally close to each other. I did not argue with her because I thought she is only saying that and with time she will realize that she cannot plan how a relationship will develop, and I hoped that with time she will forget about this logic and we will fall in love with each other.

But as time passed we did not come emotionally close, and any time we developed feelings for each other she repeated the same thing that if she let her feelings take control she will have hard time waiting for me, and she doesn't want to have that problem. At that time the sponsorship time was only 12 months, and I thought it will be fine as the wait will be over soon and she will get over this problem as well.

Few more months passed and the sponsorship time went from 12 months to 20 months. It was really stressful for me because I felt our relationship getting weaker and weaker with time. And even though we did not have emotional connection, we were even losing the excitement and interest in each other that we had in the beginning. I asked her to remove the walls she had put up around herself, so that we can come closer and support each other, because now the wait was getting really long and I felt this is the time we can really use to make our relationship stronger.

This time she changed her logic and said its not just the wait, that she will find hard if she comes emotionally close to me, she explained that because in her past all the people that she had loved have gone away from her so now she can not let anyone come close to her anymore. She gave the examples of her sister who got married and went to Canada, and her brother who left for England to study, and when she was very young she had friends in her neighborhood but when her family moved she lost her friends. When I tried really hard to get her out of this shell, she said that she can only get over it once we are physically close.

Dealing with this situation, I was not just losing my mind I was also losing my health. I lost lot of weight, and felt really drained of energy all the time. Saw a doctor and I was diagnosed with ulcer in my stomach. But even then I did not lose hope and kept positive and kept trying to be close to her. I shared this issue with one of my friends and he suggested that if my wife thinks that physical closeness will end her psychological issues then I should ask her to apply for a visit visa.

I was really excited about this idea, and I called her the minute I came home. He reaction to this idea really surprised me, she was not excited at all and told me that she does not want to come to Canada until she gets her sponsorship completed. At that time I had lost all patience with her, and I stopped putting any effort in the relationship. I thought if I step back maybe she will do the effort to come close to me. Talking on the phone from two or three times a day we went to talking two or three time a week, then few weeks later it became once a week and then it became once a month.

At this time it had already been more then one year since our Nikkah and I had never shared this issue with anyone in the family. At that time I thought maybe if I tell my mother and her mother, they can tell her to make the change in her personality. Her mother she said that her daughter was right because it was only Nikkah and we were not really married so I should not expect too much from her. She said that it is because she is shy and she will get over it after we start living together.

I tried to explain to her mother all the problems but she did not see it my way. So I told them that either my wife will make the change in herself or she will not come to Canada because right now it is only Nikkah but once we are fully married, her personality will destroy both of our lives. But even after this she kept saying that she need to keep limitations between us and things between us did not improve.

After one and a half year into our relationship we had another big fight when she told be the same thing. This time her mother and her told me that she will not repeat these things and will do the effort to make this relationship stronger. Again time passed and even though she never said that she can not be emotionally close to me but she never did any efforts to create any kind of emotional closeness between us.

Last week I asked her, "dont you think its strange that in two years we never said love you to each other" She got really annoyed and asked me "why do you want a relationship in which we say love you to each other all the time?" I said I am not complaining that we don't say it all the time, I am saying we NEVER said it. She said she is not expressive like this... She said she is happy with the relationship the way it is and if I am not happy the problem is really only in my head. And that I should be happy with what I have instead of worrying about what I don't have.

In a way she was right, only if I could stop worrying about what I did not have, I could have lived my life happily. But how can I be happy without love in my life? In my heart I knew she will never love me, and we will live our lives like roommates, talking to each other only when we need to, nothing more nothing less. After I made the decision, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my chest, at that time I knew I made the right decision.

I always thought I will be leaving this forum under happier circumstances, and I am sad to be leaving like this, but if anyone still needs to contact me, you can send me PM and I will make sure to answer it. Love all the friends here who always took time to help and support me.

Bye guys

 

I hear you brother. I think you made the right decision for yourself. From what you said, it seems like you two have totally different personalities and it would have been even more painful when she would have got here and still dictated the distance b/w you two. Again, if you did Istikhara and it feels like getting rid of a huge burden over your chest, then this is the right decision indeed. I have seen couples who are totally different and there is no balance in the relationship. Sooner or later they split, sometimes they split after having kids which is horrible for the kids. Always go with what your heart says and your brain approves. If a man or a woman is not happy with each other then its better to part ways sooner than later.

Also, when you think about getting married again, make sure you know the other person real well and are compatible with each other. I wish you all the very best in your future. May Allah give you all the happiness in this world.. Ameen

[raptorsfan]

s_design bro, if you feel you made the right decision. Then you certainly did.

If "I love u" was not even said once. And no excitement for visit visa. Then there is some sort of a problem.

I understand how you might feel but sometimes these types of decisions are to be made for a better future.

At the end of the day, its your decision and no one can influence it.

I wish you all the best in the future. Inshallah there is a better person in the future for you.

My prayers are with you.