So you will start this process by committing crimes and lying... Probably not the best idea, but hey, you've turned a deaf ear to all our advice so far so why not go ahead and really do this the wrong way?
Please do keep us posted on what happens.

i will not come to the border. i will cross the border and go to the immigration in edmonton or toronto then apply.and i will not say that i crossed the border i am gonna say that i jumped from the ship.i hope it will work though.