anxiety over the upcoming process is killing me...

[Valechka]

I don't even know if I am more in need of a legal advice or just emotional support, probably both. I haven't been able to talk about it much or to ask for advice, bottling all this anxiety inside. I feel like everyone around would judge my relationship and tell me that I am just a stupid romantic who made her own life more difficult by falling in love with this person, knowing that his status in Canada would make things difficult for us, that I have gotten myself in this situation knowing all the risks, and if it is currently causing me a huge deal of emotional distress, well, it's my own fault. It IS my own responsibility, and I fully stand by my decisions. Please, do not tell me negative comments like "he's just scamming you", these comments are exactly the reason I don't want to talk to most people about this process.   
I am planning to sponsor my fiancee who is currently a refugee claimant from Mexico (we are getting married this winter). I am originally from Russia, been in Canada for 9 years on student/work visas, and have received PR this summer as a Quebec-selected skilled worker. My own immigration process was extremely exhausting, and is probably another reason I am so freaked out about this new mountain of bureaucracy I am about to climb. I have heard so many horror stories and read so many posts on forums about so many things going wrong. Our case is in no way straightforward: he's a refugee claimant, we are from different cultures, don't have much proof of a "genuine" relationship - we first met a little over a year ago through some friends of my ex, who I was still in a long-distance relationship with. Even after I broke up with my ex, we didn't really make our relationship "public" because they had some of the same friends. We only have a couple of pictures together, a few e-mails (from the time I was visiting my ex to break up with him), we've been living together for the past 6 months, but his name is not on the lease. We don't have an account together (yet - planning to open one, just to show that we have it... but we really haven't been needing it), I have added him as a secondary cardholder to one of my credit cards though. We don't have much support from family and friends...
I really love him, and really want to live with him in Canada, that's why I am planning to do the sponsorship. We've been thinking of doing the process outland, since it would be faster, but because I only have PR and not citizenship, I have to be residing in Canada and he would have to go back because he would have to refuse his refugee claimant status, and I just cannot stand the thought of him having to be away. Probably we will do the process inland, we are planning to apply as soon as we get married and can get all the documents.
Anyway... if anyone has any advice on either legal or emotional (like, how to keep yourself strong during this hideous process and deal with family and friends who say that I should not sponsor him (because we haven't been together that long, and also that he could be scamming me, even though he met me before I had my PR and wasn't sure if/when I was going to have it))
I really need some support. I am worried that our application would be rejected because we don't have much proof of "genuine relationship". Does he have to refuse his refugee claim before we send the sponsorship application, if we are doing it inland? He currently has an open work permit that came with his refugee status, is he going to lose it as soon as we change his process?
Thank you very much for any support and advice you can give me. He is the best person in my life right now, and I cannot stand the thought of him having to leave.

[bobshynoswife]

I have absolutely no advice to give you, as I am also at the beginning stages of this process (not married), although I am scared because I've never had to deal with the government for anything more complicated than a tax return. I have grown up a fourth generation Albertan, totally sheltered and knowing not much about the world other than what I learned in school or saw on TV. It seems it's happened suddenly, and in the past 18 months I have fallen madly in love with a man from Africa, have travelled to Europe 5 times, and now have a huge extended family on three continents. It is mind blowing. It's exhilerating, and amazing, and at the same time, the saddest time of my life, as I have only been with the man I love for 4.5 weeks in the past 13 months. My family is completely against my marriage because he is black, and worse than that, he is from Nigeria, so automatically the stigma of being conned is cast over us.

So I have no advice for you, only a virtual shoulder to cry on, if you will also lend me yours. The emotions are so conflicting to be at once so gloriously happy to be in love and also so lonely, sad, and afraid that the process will take longer than I can bear.

(((HUGS))) to you.

[mitamata]

Valechka, just wanted to make sure you understood one thing. If an applicant applying inland is unable to attend the landing interview at the local CIC office, then his application is forfeit. Gone. Abandoned. Since you're intending to sponsor him, I am assuming you think his refugee application will not go through in which case he's likely to be asked to leave Canada. And without the refugee application, he's out of status in Canada, right? I think it's safe to assume the processing of the sponsorship will take some time and he'll not get approval in principle from Vegreville, his case will take a while to process at the local CIC office etc etc. With as long as it's going to take, it's likely he'll be asked to leave Canada before it's finished. So I would strongly suggest you opt for an outland application instead because I can't imagine he would be granted a visit visa to Canada after all of that. I understand you want him to stay with you, but having an inland application doesn't give him a legal status in Canada, he will have to maintain it otherwise. And if he's forced to leave, he will lose the app and it will just take longer to get together again.

I don't know if he can have a refugee application in process while also trying to be sponsored. Hopefully somebody else can help you with that. I just wanted to make sure you understood what an inland application comes with.

[namrata]

Hi valechka,

It's sad that you should feel so apprehensive about posting on this site because the circumstances of your relationship are not as 'normal' as some others. Just remember that people here are not there to judge whether the relationship is appropriate or no. If u love each other and want to be together as husband and wife, then that should be enough.

I am Indian and my husband is a Canadian citizen. The last thing I ever imagined is that it would be so hard to be together. Even though our application has been processing for over 2 months now in New Delhi (not very long at all), weve been apart for a really long time! We've been together 1 1/2 years now, during which time my husband has visited me in india twice (once when he proposed, and once when we got married), and I have visited the US once because I got refused a Canadian visitors visa. I've travelled all over the world, but got refused a Canadian visitors visa on 3 occassions.. I've never even visited Canada, where Im now going to live with my husband.. never seen where he lives.. never held hands and walked down the road to his favourite coffee shop.. never done any of the usual things in a relationship.. we've been together (in the same space) for not more than 3 months out of the entire time of 1 1/2 years. But does this make our relationship less significant?? not at all. It's just different to most other peoples relationships who marry people from their own country.. its not any less important. So what if we haven't been on the same continent for that long? we've spent more time talking on the phone and on skype than most couples speak in a lifetime!

Your situation is definitely tricky, but if you don't have much proof of relationship then I would suggest prepping yourself for the interview, making sure you know everything about each other.. go through this site & ask questions.. keep your fingers crossed & hope for the best

I am currently waitng for New Delhi to return my passport with the visa stamped, and sincerely hope that everyone else reaches this stage soon. I am very happy to have reached this stage, but every time I would get disheartened my husband would pull me out of the gloom saying that nothing and noone could ever keep us apart.. if its not Canada that we'll end up living in, it would be India or some other country.. after all is'nt the whole point just being with ur loved one ?

[saralune]

Hey,

If I can share in a bit...

I have been with my now husband for the last 3 years.  We meet 5 years ago in Mexico when I was travelling there and he was working there. We created a friendship that eventually evolved into something more. He is Peruvian and was then working illegally in Mexico, and then traveled up to the states and has also been there for the last three years illegaly. My case has probably nothing to do with yours from a legal aspect, but I do understand where you are coming from emotionally. I have seen people around me worry about me and his intention from the start, and I also apprehended people judging my relationship way from the start, but over the last 3 years I have a figured out that there will always be people who have an opinion and will tell you about other people's horror stories. And so I decided over the time who to tell my story or not, cause honestly it's hard enought, belive me I know what you are talking about, and you do not need people you can't really trust doubting you every  chance they have...

On the other hand, my parents, family and very good friends all know about it. Obviously, they all have had their share of concerns, some expressed it others didn't  but made sure to be by my side when things were harder. Last semptember, we got married. They all came to the States, where he is now and we had a lovely small wedding, and I know that everyone at that point was behind the two of us because with time they managed to see what we mean to each other and how important it was for us to go down this route. After spending time with him and getting to know and see how we were with one an other, their concerned faded.

I also wanted to let you know that if you are really serious about this person, and being able to be with him in the future, meant for you to to split up for sometimes you shouldn't let that get in the way.

I have lived 6 months with my husband at the begging of our relationship, and we have been separated ever since. I go down to visit him every second week-end after a 6 hour drive, each way. Now that we are married we are about to submit the papers in the next month or so, and this also means that he will have to go back to his country of origin for as long as it takes Immigration Canada to decide the future of our lives together.. I am hoping for a year if everything goes well....but in the mean time we'll have to separate, but after all we have gone through I am ok, with this whole process as I know that with time we will finally be together for ever.

My main advice to you would be to not rush it.  Put the time needed to get know each other well, as well as to understand your countries of origin and how things work in your respective culture. You have to understand also that to some level you are separated by certain cultural differences and that things function differently and make sure to set boundaries for what you would or would not accept or expect in your relationship as  you are about to undergo a very stressful process. Do not just go for the easiest route, just cause you can... as it might become a nightmare down the road.Give the relationship time time to grow and to know more about marrying and sponsoring and so on....to make the right decision when time comes.

Do not forget you should be with him because you want to be with him not because you need to be with him....

I am from quebec to by the way

 good luck dear, I know it s not easy. I can tell you all this now, but it took me sometime to find peace in all of this, a year ago, I probably would not have responded like this

[The Littlest Hobo]

Hi guys,
wow, those are some powerful stories! I wish you the best of luck and hope we all have our happy endings eventually! True, it might take some time, and that must be extremely hard, but in a way the waiting is also an investment which demonstrates how serious our feelings are. We've never spent longer than 3 weeks apart since we met and we are dreading the 2.5 months of separation which we've planned for our staggered move to Canada. It's so little compared to some of the stories on here of people waiting years, yet I know we're both going to be super-lonely. So I can only begin to imagine how tough it will be in cases like yours. As they say in French "bon courage!"

Now on the practical side of things, Valechka if you want to submit your application right after you get married I would really recommend you not get married in Ontario! They are taking 8-10 weeks to register the marriage and get the certificate mailed out. Supposedly it's possible to send the application already with a note to the CIC saying the certificate will follow later, but still, it likely adds a delay. We were thinking Vegas or Cuba, etc. might have been quicker. But it depends where your friends and family are, and where you want to have the ceremony - I have no idea what Quebec's wait time is.

Secondly, about proof of relationship, don't you have some skype or msn or phone records or emails? If you have plenty of proof of communication between you two, that should help for PoR. We printed screen captures of skype logs, plus some emails between us and with friends/family about the relationship. I've seen others who did screen captures of their email inbox showing all the emails over time, or phone records or SMS/text messages. You can also print out some MSN or Skype chat conversations, they should be saved in your history. You say you hid the relationship from some of your friends, but does that mean there were some that you did tell? If so, just focus on that, the half-full part of the glass.

If you have been living together for 6-months I think that is a lot of proof! Even if you have no official documents to prove it, how about letter mail to him at your address? Or does he have any ID or some kind of paperwork at all with your address on it?Registration for French classes, library or video store rental card, or something? When he applied for refuge status doesn't the government need his address in Canada to keep in touch with him? That should be good! Or even you could ask some friends in Canada who know either or both of you to write you an affidavit, swearing that they know you have been cohabiting as a genuine couple, they can go into the local city hall and sign it in front of a commissioner of oaths, that means they really swear it's true and although it's not PROOF, it shows you are serious because in theory the CIC could always contact those people, and possibly give them a hard time if they were lying. So I think it's a good idea. I read about others getting letters from friends/family attesting that the relationship is genuine, and then put their address and phone number on the letter so that the CIC could check in with them if they wanted. If everything is true, there is no reason for anyone to worry.

Like the other posters, I also wonder why you do not wait and see if his refuge claim goes through? Or is that generally a longer process?

Well, I know it's daunting but just take one step at a time and it becomes more manageable.
Best of luck,
TLH